


no more gin (for now)

by basqueinthesun



Category: The Martian (2015), The Martian - All Media Types, The Martian - Andy Weir
Genre: F/M, Poor Vogel is back in Germany, brotp: ares 3 women
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 20:52:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5105360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basqueinthesun/pseuds/basqueinthesun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And now, after she'd finally gotten used to something strange and new that she'd never thought she'd want (or have), she was pregnant. <em>Pregnant?</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	no more gin (for now)

**Author's Note:**

> After asking mazzawitz to write a fic about Johanssen figuring out how to tell Beck she's pregnant I also started writing one because I'm stupid and couldn't stop thinking about the idea. You can read mazzawitz' here: (http://mazzawitz.tumblr.com/post/132118328695/johanbeck-prompt-suggestion-1-15-two-for-one) and it's AMAZING and adorable. Mine is stupid and doesn't actually really fulfill the prompt but there ya go. (Also I can't stop including Lewis in everything I write????)

Johanssen was one of the few people on planet Earth who could say she'd experienced microgravity for nearly three years, fixed a computer failure while being spun upside down, and walked on Mars.

She was, however, definitely not the first woman to find out she was pregnant. But she sure as hell felt that way. 

And she was panicking. And then on top of that she was panicking because she was panicking. Astronauts, after all, are chosen for the calm they exude during moments of crisis. Johanssen suddenly wondered how on earth she'd ever been chosen for a mission.

Nearly a year had passed since end of the (extended) Ares III mission. They were all required to come back to JSC for medical check ups for the rest of their life and currently it was still once a month. Since it was a year since the mission had ended everyone was back (except Vogel, he hadn't made it back from Bremen). There was a dinner tonight with the Ares V crew and a bunch of other dignitaries (they were always trying to get more money from Congress and the first anniversary of their successful return seemed like the right time to NASA).

Johanssen and Beck were living in California now. Beck had his own lab at UC Santa Barbara that worked in collaboration with NASA on epigenetic changes after long term exposure to microgravity. He was back to the kind of fundamental research he loved. Johanssen worked from home or went to JPL when needed to help with systems designs. 

Though their initial life back on Earth had taken some adjustment (the first three months had been particularly difficult), it had entered a comfortable pattern now. A pattern she'd never really considered before she became _Astronaut Beth Johanssen_. 

She'd never been in a long term relationship before Beck and now she was married. It was still jarring to her at times (her mother on the other hand was thrilled that she had "settled down"). Mars and the mission had certainly changed her. But, she supposed flying millions of kilometers across the solar system had a tendency to do just that.

And now, after she'd finally gotten used to something strange and new that she'd never thought she'd want (or have), she was pregnant. _Pregnant?_

She leaned against the wall in the hallway outside of the room she'd been talking to the doctor in.

All her mind was currently showing on ticker tape was How? How? How? How? 

Of course, _logically_ she knew how. She enjoyed the how. And after controlling themselves (quite valiantly) while on _Hermes_ , the how happened a lot. 

That didn't stop her brain from being stuck in suspension. She didn't know anything about being a mother. _A mother_. Oh god, the panic spread through her body until it was like crashing waves inside her head.

"Johanssen?" 

She heard her name as though from a great distance. She managed to look up and found Lewis walking towards her, clearly done with her own medical.

Johanssen looked up.

"Everything all right?" Lewis asked.

She managed a weak nod. She didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment, let alone Lewis, who always seemed to have everything under control. She, on the other hand, felt like a complete mess. 

Lewis didn't look like she completely believed Johanssen's response, but she wasn't commander anymore. She couldn't demand answers.

"Ready for the dinner tonight?" Lewis asked, as they walked back towards the briefing room where they would meet with some astronaut candidates as well as their other crewmates.

Johanssen nodded, trying to focus on talking to Lewis instead of the sinking panic she felt underneath her skin.

Lewis, intuiting that Johanssen wasn't much in the mood to talk, just accompanied her in silence.

Somehow Johanssen found her seat in the conference room before sinking into it and staring at the wall. When Beck came in he took a seat with Watney and Martinez, shooting her a smile which she returned half-heartedly. 

How was she going to tell him?

\---

It was easiest to forget (ha! forget) about the fact that she was pregnant (and had to inform her husband at some point) when she was talking to senators. It was something she'd never been any good at but this was part of the job as an astronaut. At the moment however (after the initial not wanting to speak with anyone stage) she needed distraction while she came up with a game plan.

She'd finally gotten away for a moment when Watney found her. He was almost always surrounded by a group of people. Not only was he the moment famous out of the six of them, but he was also the one who was best at talking.

"You look like you're having fun," Watney said, giving her a clap on the back. 

She raised an eyebrow at him. 

"The usual? I know I definitely need a drink. I can only be sober for so long while talking to senators before another tour on Mars starts to seem appealing."

"I could definitely use a gin and tonic," Johanssen said without thinking before realizing she couldn't actually drink the damn thing. God, a drink sounded so necessary right now. 

Watney had already gone over to the bar to get her drink and she felt like she'd have to explain why she didn't want it anymore if she said anything so she remained silent.

She bit her lip and looked around before seeing that her husband had spotted her and was coming over. She didn't think she was quite ready to talk to him yet (how she'd avoided him at the hotel when they'd changed she still didn't completely understand. He definitely knew something was up.)

She wildly looked around, searching for a buffer until she found Lewis walking towards the doors open to the patio. She followed her without looking back.

She found Lewis looking at her phone. It was a moment before she noticed Johanssen had joined her.

"Needed a breathe of fresh air? It's hot in there," Lewis said.

Johanssen nodded. She hadn't actually thought about actually saying anything to her former commander. She had just followed to get out of talking to her husband immediately.

Lewis' eyes narrowed a little. "I may not be your commander anymore but I am your friend. At least, I hope I am."

Johanssen looked over at Lewis; she looked so elegant. She always did, no matter if she was in her astronaut jumpsuit, in a pair of leggings, or as she was now, wearing a simple long black gown. It always made Johanssen a little insecure. She always felt like a scrub, even in the dress was wearing tonight.

"Of course," she responded.

Lewis opened her mouth to ask a question but thought better of it before saying, "Let me know if there's anything I can do."

She touched Johanssen's elbow in a comforting manner before moving away, but stopped in her tracks when Johanssen blurted out, "I'm pregnant."

Lewis' eyebrows shot up. But she took in stride. At least she had avoided this happening on _Hermes_ (that conversation with Beck about intimacy was still one of the worst things she'd ever had to do).

"And I'm guessing you haven't told Beck."

Johanssen shook her head.

"How come?" Lewis asked.

She shrugged.

"I never thought--" Johanssen took a breath. "I never thought I'd have kids. It just didn't seem like the way my life would be."

Lewis nodded and came back over to stand next to Johanssen.

"You know, I knew Robert for two months before we got married," Lewis said. 

Johanssen looked at her in shock.

"Two months?" she asked. It had taken her about two months to even really talk to the whole crew when they'd first started training together, let alone really trust anyone.

Lewis looked ahead of her and shrugged. "It worked. And I didn't have much leave. I don't know if I loved him at first sight, I just knew we worked. I don't really know how to describe it. I'd never thought about getting married at that point in my life and I always thought it would take a lot longer. But then he asked and it seemed like the only thing to do."

Johanssen frowned and looked at her hands.

"I'm just trying to tell you things don't always turn out the way you think they will."

She nodded. If nothing else, Johanssen knew that was true.

"Did you always know you were going to be an astronaut?" Lewis asked.

"Oh, hell no," Johanssen responded.

"Exactly."

There was a moment of silence and the buzz from the party carried out towards them. Somewhere in there Beck was wondering why his wife was behaving so strangely.

"I've seen you and Be---Chris since the beginning. I even tried to make sure nothing happened. Clearly I wasn't successful," Lewis said, laughing. "But the two of you were always falling together. And the two of you seem to work."

"It does. We do." Johanssen knew that like she knew the Earth orbited the sun. It had taken her a long time to get to that level of comfort with her relationship with Chris, but now that's where stood and she was never looking back.

"That's all that matters then."

"It's not that. Not really. I know he'll be happy. At least, I'm pretty sure. It's just. I don't think I can be a mother. I don't know how."

Lewis nodded. "Well, I don't have any kids so I can't give you advice on that front. But I can tell you that you are one of the most capable women I've ever met. And as focused and professional as you are, you're also an incredibly warm person, no matter how much you might not think so. I'm sure it'll be terrifying, but you've tackled and defeated so many obstacles. I think this fear is the last one. Then you'll be fine. And you've got Chris to help you."

Johanssen inhaled deeply through her nose, her cheeks tinged with color at hearing the commander talk to her so honestly. It was nice to hear that a woman she had such immense respect for returned that respect.

"Thank you, Commander."

"It's Melissa now, how many times do I have to tell you," Lewis said, smiling.

"Melissa. Thank you."

Lewis nodded. "I think we should get back in there before Venkat finds us out here shirking our duties."

Johanssen managed a smile in acknowledgement and followed Lewis back into the hall.

\---

It was nearing the end of the night and Lewis was checking her phone and reading through a couple messages her husband had sent her. Most of the senators were gone and only the NASA folks were left, taking advantage of the free alcohol. (Scientists were never ones to waste free alcohol).

She spotted Watney regaling a the Ares V crew (which included Martinez) with a story and they were all doubled over in fits of laugher. 

Lewis shook her head and turned to find Venkat, intending to tell him good night before heading back to her hotel room.

Instead she saw Johassen sitting down next to Beck who was holding her hand in his lap, his brow furrowed. She was bent towards him, talking quietly.

For a moment they talked normally before Beck paused and stared and Johanssen, clearly at a loss for words. The hand that had held Johanssen's fell slack. She took it back before looking at her hands in her lap. There was a moment. And then--

Beck threw his arms around Johanssen, his face arranged in an mile-wide grin.

Lewis smiled and rolled her eyes affectionately. It seemed like she'd spent the last four years rolling her eyes at them (while outwardly admonishing them). And she would for a long time yet.

But maybe without all the admonishment now.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, Johanssen shares my love for gin. Yes, I am an eighty year old man.


End file.
